Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
