Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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