Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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