dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
