Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Can I color on your dick again?
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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