You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
