i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
