I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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