look no pants
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
