I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
