I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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