he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
