If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
