I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
