i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
