god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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