My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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