So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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