That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
