i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
