Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
