you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
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