I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Randomize
