That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
