Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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