Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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