it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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