The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
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