Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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