My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
