I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
