matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
