Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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