I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
