I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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