you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
