i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
