I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
