Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
