I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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