And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Randomize
