I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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