Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
