Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize