If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
