i love accidental penises.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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