My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
