New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Randomize
