Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize