Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
