Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
