i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
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