He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize