I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We are two peas in an std pod
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
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