while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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