i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
