you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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