We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have tasted many bathrooms
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Randomize