Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
