I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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