I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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