I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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