shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
