I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
