If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
