Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm always down for nudity.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize