I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
