I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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