Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
