lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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