think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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