The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
