The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
