I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
