A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
