It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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