yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Randomize
