How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
