So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Randomize
